A film called brick, and it's drowning slowly...

I need a brick to get through this cinematic slop

While I'm apt to judge (it's my comparitive lit background making some sense of the 28,000 dollar loan I've incurred), I'm more inclined to cry tears and throw myself into useless hysterics over the atrocity that was "Brick" the film that seemingly NEVER ended, NEVER inspired, NEVER entertained and certainly NEVER should have been awarded, "Best New Vision" and other lame awards that brick induced judges award films such as these.

I can assume some responsibility- I didn't research the film, it's plot or premise, and so I wasn't prepared for the absurdity of this token genre. Apparently the film adopts a 'film noir, a la 1920's cool feel', but does so with a California, present date, high school setting. High School! Please, filmmakers of now, and filmmakers to come, if you're to f*#k with convention, at least leave it in the hands of established adult type actors. This reversion in time made the film grossly unbelievable, mockable, and catered to ill-equipped actors who made everything SOOOO dramatic that I would laugh at moments of supposed clarity and DEEP, INTENSE, SUSPENSE.

F that noise.

The dialect, or lingo and/or diction provided the characters (fast quips, some lame language that was coded and pretentious) didn't fit the setting. First, they all live in California or some similiar warm locale. I'll give the Gilmore Girls some credit. They are from New England. Everyone speaks quickly there. It's expected. In Cali, they are all doped up and slow and people speak with a lame, surfer drawl. Secondly, the main character (our super detective of sorts) isn't developed as a character in the least. We learn, near the end of the film that he's some dumb loner that no one cares about anyways, so why should the viewer feel any empathy when he puts himself in these outlandishly stupid situations (repeated beatings, running from the law - although, ha ha, the law is the Student body vice principal) time and time again. He's just a dumb masochist and his shitty acting provided the storyline absolutely no credibility.

A new notes for whoever sat through this film without busying themselves ( text messaging and internal grocery lists and ex-boyfriend confrontations), and consequently missing moments of 'importance' :

Did our hero have a home and if so, why hadn't his mother been informed of his gross truancy at school, oh, and his 5 day hiatus from home?
Did our hero every shower during said hiatus?
Why didn't our brain get any play from hot Laura?
Why didn't the producers just get Rachel Bialson to play Laura? They're not fooling anyone with this second-rate look alike.

All in all, this movie was a painful reminder of just how much of a masochist I must be.
I'll provide it one Hula hoop. The hoop I hang from my neck in effort to cut off the oxygen.